When you find yourself in a place of being unsure, being stuck, what is your first inclination? Is it to look for the answer to the question: What do I do now and how do I do it? You're not alone.
I can't tell you the number of times I've done this, too. My first, and almost always default, response to uncertainty is to seek for certainty outside of myself. Maybe a book has the answer. Maybe someone on the Internet knows the answer. Maybe it's in a course, or seminar or workshop.
There is a way that we -- women especially -- will retreat into information absorption mode when we are scared or are uncertain about ourselves. We become sponges. Why do we do this? We want to soak up as much information as we can, so that somehow, as if by a miracle, something within us will "click" and we become all-knowing.
This is faulty thinking. Even Tara Mohr wrote about this in her book "Playing Big." Rather than trust that we know enough, or that everything we have learned so far is enough to move us forward, we doubt ourselves. We try to learn EVEN MORE.
But it's never enough, is it? Because there's nothing to indicate enough for us. We just have to decide that it's enough.
We approach this problem of uncertainty backwards. Rather than decide on a small goal and then figure out if we need any information or resources to complete that goal, we learn about EVERYTHING. Just in case, we should need any of that information at some later point.
When we listen to what others know, we're deciding to let them set our agenda, rather than sticking with our own. Well, they say to do this. Relying on outside advice is what gets us tied up in knots, unsure of who to listen to or trust. Unsure of what to do, and where to start. That's when we just pick something out of fear, uncertainty and guilt that we haven't figured it out yet. And when we are acting out of fear, we usually pick the wrong thing.
Don't look to others for the answers to your life's challenges. Look within. Be your wise mentor. Be your teacher. You do have the answer, and it's just that you aren't trusting that you do.
Provide yourself with deep self-love during this uncertain period of time. Repeat after me:
I love you and I'm listening. You're scared because you're stepping into unknown territory. I know you are scared. I know you feel safer when you're learning and organizing, because nothing is put at risk when you keep doing those things.
Right now, however, you are the mouse, putting together your winter storage of nuts and seeds and warm bedding. You are running around, taking care, being meticulous, being practical. What if, instead, you could be the eagle soaring high overhead, making an impression, feeling free, flying at great heights. You yearn to be the eagle, but you're still the mouse.
How can you love yourself so deeply that you will let go of solid ground and soar high in the clouds? How can you trust yourself enough? How can you stop absorbing and start producing?
[Photo: by Rachel Pfuetzner on Unsplash.]