Taking a leap of faith

When I lost my job last year, I wasn't quite sold on the idea of jumping into entrepreneurship with both feet. I had looked forward to this moment for a long time, but I was reticent. So reticent, that it has taken me a full seven months to get over myself and take the first real leap of faith.

It wasn't that I was feeling pressured to get back into the 9 to 5 workforce, because my husband is fully supportive of my dream to run a coaching practice. I even saved up funds for this particular moment, and have about 8 to 12 months before my savings will be depleted.

So if it wasn't due to a lack of support or financial means, what was worrying me for seven months? 

My own thoughts were holding me back. I was battling a demon inside me. Steven Pressfield has wisely identified this demon as Resistance and it was kicking my ass. Resistance can show up as fear, self-doubt, distraction, timidity, ego, self-loathing, or perfectionism.

It was a lack of confidence, an enormous doubt that weighed me down. Was I really as good a coach as others had said? Was I really someone who could build a business from the ground up and make it work? Not just in some small way, but in the impactful way that I imagined? I couldn't find a way to mesh my mind with this new life I was thinking of starting. I felt like a fake, a fraud, a fool for even thinking I could do this.

I see now that I was going through my own crisis of confidence. 

What do I value? What is my purpose? What is my goal? As much as I know for sure what I don't want (an office job, a life of just scraping by financially, and doing something which doesn't light me up or impact the world in a positive way), I'm searching for the spark that will propel me forward to take the leap with both feet.

Ever since reading the book, "The Art of Non-Conformity," by Chris Guillebeau in 2010, which has the powerfully seductive sub-title "Set your own rules, live the life you want and change the world," I knew I would do things differently. 

For almost 7 years I now, I have been focussed on this dream. I yearn for a life, where I engage in a craft, such as coaching, writing, speaking, teaching, making beautiful products, or maybe all of these and I am making a living doing these things. All because of a pure desire to serve. All because I know that I can't go backward, to the life I had before. I also can't imagine myself doing anything but this: stepping out of the shadows and into a world of possibility.

In my dream life, I can cast off the heaviness of a life half-lived and live more fully. I can do what Chris Guillebeau suggests we can all do. 

For a very long time, I have watched others capitalize on the online business model. I see them with the freedom to travel the world and enjoying their lives to the fullest. They aren't tied to a corporation or organization they can't fully stand behind; they don't have jobs that feel soul-sucking or disempowering. No, they are happy and productive and are doing great things for other people. All because of the wonderful connection we now have through the Internet. 

Like a magnetized needle floating on a surface of oil, Resistance will unfailingly point to true North—meaning that calling or action it most wants to stop us from doing. We can use this. We can use it as a compass. We can navigate by Resistance, letting it guide us to that calling or purpose that we must follow before all others.
— Steven Pressfield. “Do The Work.”

I now see that I have been fighting the inevitable. This past week, I took a leap of faith. With both feet this time. I'm going to make this happen.