When I lost my job last year, I wasn't quite sold on the idea of jumping into entrepreneurship with both feet. I had looked forward to this moment for a long time, but I was reticent. So reticent, that it has taken me a full seven months to get over myself and take the first real leap of faith.
It wasn't that I was feeling pressured to get back into the 9 to 5 workforce, because my husband is fully supportive of my dream to run a coaching practice. I even saved up funds for this particular moment, and have about 8 to 12 months before my savings will be depleted.
So if it wasn't due to a lack of support or financial means, what was worrying me for seven months?
My own thoughts were holding me back. I was battling a demon inside me. Steven Pressfield has wisely identified this demon as Resistance and it was kicking my ass. Resistance can show up as fear, self-doubt, distraction, timidity, ego, self-loathing, or perfectionism.
It was a lack of confidence, an enormous doubt that weighed me down. Was I really as good a coach as others had said? Was I really someone who could build a business from the ground up and make it work? Not just in some small way, but in the impactful way that I imagined? I couldn't find a way to mesh my mind with this new life I was thinking of starting. I felt like a fake, a fraud, a fool for even thinking I could do this.
I see now that I was going through my own crisis of confidence.
What do I value? What is my purpose? What is my goal? As much as I know for sure what I don't want (an office job, a life of just scraping by financially, and doing something which doesn't light me up or impact the world in a positive way), I'm searching for the spark that will propel me forward to take the leap with both feet.
Ever since reading the book, "The Art of Non-Conformity," by Chris Guillebeau in 2010, which has the powerfully seductive sub-title "Set your own rules, live the life you want and change the world," I knew I would do things differently.
For almost 7 years I now, I have been focussed on this dream. I yearn for a life, where I engage in a craft, such as coaching, writing, speaking, teaching, making beautiful products, or maybe all of these and I am making a living doing these things. All because of a pure desire to serve. All because I know that I can't go backward, to the life I had before. I also can't imagine myself doing anything but this: stepping out of the shadows and into a world of possibility.
In my dream life, I can cast off the heaviness of a life half-lived and live more fully. I can do what Chris Guillebeau suggests we can all do.
For a very long time, I have watched others capitalize on the online business model. I see them with the freedom to travel the world and enjoying their lives to the fullest. They aren't tied to a corporation or organization they can't fully stand behind; they don't have jobs that feel soul-sucking or disempowering. No, they are happy and productive and are doing great things for other people. All because of the wonderful connection we now have through the Internet.
I now see that I have been fighting the inevitable. This past week, I took a leap of faith. With both feet this time. I'm going to make this happen.